shorts

THE UNMENTIONABLE YEARS

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The Unmentionable Years (2005)

It's been doughy waffles and dead pine needles for the last three weeks.

In what now appears to be a hopeless effort to catapult myself into the holiday spirit, I've suddenly realized that stripping Wal-Mart of its Christmas aisle boon was perhaps a very bad idea. I've never been a fan of Christmas, mostly because my memories are tainted with relics of fat aunts, dry turkey, and bitching nieces who didn't get the right kind of Barbie (Bitching that would always commence with, "We hate you, Uncle Taylor!" and a lot of ear-splitting cries). Despite this constant negative attitude, every year I ceaselessly try to drown my house in Christmas glitz.

Every year I fail.

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